you have to choose: penises or morals?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she peed on how many people?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
