well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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