I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize