She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
