he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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