the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize