I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
