If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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