Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The adults are the big ones right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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