I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
