The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
