Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
