Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
