Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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