we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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