Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
