how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize