She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
