I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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