I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
