quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think my moral compass just broke
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
