I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
