these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
