if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
