Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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