Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
