actually, I'm a sock model
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
