Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
