After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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