the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
