Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
