looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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