I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
