You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
