I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
