omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
