All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
only you would photoshop your dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
