chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
