Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
