omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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