At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
foreskin is a definite game changer
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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