Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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