I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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