FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
