Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
