i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
