I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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