After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
