I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
