Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
