dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
