I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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