This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
