They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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