I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
