When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
