i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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