Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize