I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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