i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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