Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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