do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize