i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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