hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
