Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
