the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize