i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
