I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
