I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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