at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
