The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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