so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
