So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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