Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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