He felt like a one man threesome
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
