You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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