You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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