Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
