your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
