Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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