I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
third nipple confirmed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
