alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
