Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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