Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
