so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
