we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
