she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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