We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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