Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
