Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
did you just send me my own nude
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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