Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize