My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
