Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
