Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
