I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
