so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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