I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
