we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
