after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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