Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
