Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
