ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
