the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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