Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is wine microwaveable?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
