i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
