If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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